Authenticity as a Leader: What It Means and Why It Feels So Hard

Photo by Daniele Franchi on Unsplash

I think about authenticity as a leader all the time. It absolutely breaks my heart to see how hard some people — especially women — feel the need to be someone different from who they are.

In my mentoring program, I ask participants what leadership means to them. Here’s what they’ve told me:

“I have to know what’s going on all the time.”

“I have to be seen to be the expert.”

“I have to be cool and calm under pressure.”

“I have to be assertive and keep my power.”

“I have to be available all the time, whenever anyone needs me.”

It’s a lot, isn’t it?

I’ve been there. I tried to meet all those expectations at once. It cost me time, energy, and sleep. I didn’t recognise myself anymore. I was stressed, exhausted, and constantly worried I wasn’t doing enough — or wasn’t enough at all.

If that resonates with you, I hear you. You might even have a few more things to add to the list.

So why are we so scared of being ourselves?

The word authenticity gets thrown around a lot, especially in leadership circles. You’re told to “just be yourself” — but in reality, that’s easier said than done. Especially in environments where power, performance, and perfectionism feel like the rules of the game.

But authentic leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment.

When your values and your behaviour match up, things get lighter. You stop trying to wear a mask all day. You stop holding your breath. And your team can finally see the real you — which makes it easier for them to bring their full selves too.

And it’s not just a nice idea — it works.A 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that authentic leadership strengthens emotional connection at work, and that connection drives creativity and job performance. In short: when people believe their leader is genuine, they feel safer, more committed, and more empowered to contribute. The impact is real — and measurable.

If you’re looking for a way in, here are a few ways to begin:

1. Get clear on your core values.Your values are your inner compass — and they’re personal to you. If you’re acting in ways that go against them, leadership will always feel like a struggle. Take time to reflect on what really matters to you. I’ve shared a guide on how to do this in my brand new e-book Know Your Values.

2. Reflect on the leaders you admire.Think of managers, mentors, or public figures you respect. What did they do that made you feel safe, inspired, or seen? What felt real about them? Often, those traits are ones you value in yourself too.

3. Create safe spaces — for others and for yourself.Authentic leadership can’t happen in fear-based environments. Pay attention to how you respond to failure, feedback, and uncertainty — your own and others’. Psychological safety starts with how you model vulnerability, curiosity, and compassion.

4. Ask for feedback (and actually listen).You don’t need to follow every suggestion, but asking trusted colleagues how they experience you can be incredibly revealing. Sometimes we think we’re being authentic, but we’re actually holding back — or trying too hard.

5. Notice when you’re performing.We all do it. Maybe your voice changes in meetings. Maybe you switch into a different version of yourself when things get tense. You don’t have to fix it straight away — just noticing is a powerful first step.

6. Define your “leadership legacy.”How do you want people to describe you after working with you? What do you want to be remembered for? When you lead with that in mind, your choices tend to get clearer and more intentional.

Conclusion

Authentic leadership isn’t soft. It’s not easy, either. It takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to peel back the layers of “should” we’ve absorbed along the way.

If this hits home, you might also want to read something I wrote a while back: How to Embrace Being Yourself. It’s about finding your way back to who you are — even in environments that make that hard.

What have you been told a “good leader” should be — and which of those rules are you ready to let go of? Would love to hear from you in the comments.

Reference

Wang, J., Xu, Y., Zhang, Y., & Li, F. (2021). Authentic Leadership and Employee Performance: The Mediating Role of Affective Commitment and Creativity. Frontiers in Psychology. Read the full study here