Mentor Definition vs Coach: Which One Do You Need Right Now?

Photo by Nadir sYzYgY on Unsplash

I recently wrapped up another cycle of the Kerning the Gap mentoring program, where I’d been volunteering as a mentor for the second time. As the final session ended, I found myself thinking… I’d like to come back next time — but as a mentee.

Over the past few years, I’ve mostly turned to coaches to help me navigate big transitions — feeling stuck in my career, starting over after a breakup, and rebuilding my life from scratch after an unexpected return to the UK. Coaching gave me clarity, structure, and momentum.

But lately, I’ve felt the quiet pull of something different. The kind of support that’s less about goals and more about guidance. Not someone to ask questions — someone to share the road.

In other words: a mentor.

As a coach myself, I understand the difference between coaching and mentoring. But over the years, especially in conversations with women in STEM, I’ve seen how blurry that line can feel from the outside.

If you’re unsure which kind of support you really need, this post is here to help — starting with the clearest mentor definition I can offer.

💬 Mentor Definition

When people ask, “What exactly is a mentor?”, the most common answer is something like:

“Someone more experienced who helps guide someone less experienced.”

That’s not wrong — but it’s also not enough.

A strong mentor doesn’t just give advice. They offer context. They share how things actually work. They help you see possibilities you hadn’t considered. They say things like “I’ve been there” or “Here’s what helped me when I was in a similar place.”

Kathy Kram’s foundational research describes mentoring as a blend of two key functions: career development (guidance, feedback, networking) and psychosocial support (confidence, belonging, emotional growth). In plain English: a mentor helps you move forward and feel more grounded along the way.

At its best, mentoring is relational. It’s built on trust, mutual respect, and shared values. It’s not about handing down answers — it’s about helping you ask better questions.

🧭 Coaching, by contrast…

…is designed to help you get clear on what you want, what’s getting in your way, and how you want to move forward.

Coaches aren’t there to share their experience — they’re there to help you access your own insight. They’re trained to listen deeply, reflect patterns, challenge assumptions, and hold you accountable to what matters most to you.

Coaching is future-focused and action-oriented. It’s ideal when you’re navigating uncertainty, stuck in overthinking, or facing a decision you can’t quite get traction on.

🔍 So.... Do You Need a Mentor or a Coach?

Here’s a simple way to think about it:

You might want a mentor if…	You might want a coach if…
You’re navigating a specific industry or career path	You’re feeling stuck, unclear, or in transition
You want to learn from someone who’s “been there”	You want to figure out your own answers and direction
You need perspective on unspoken rules or next steps	You need help challenging limiting beliefs or patterns
You’d benefit from someone sharing their experience	You’d benefit from someone asking the right questions
You’re early in your career or new to a field	You’re ready to reflect, reframe, or grow intentionally

There’s no right or wrong choice — just different kinds of support for different seasons of your life or career.

🔗 Final thought

Sometimes you need a sounding board. Sometimes you need a mirror. And sometimes you’re lucky enough to find someone who offers both.

Whether you’re looking for a mentor, a coach, or you’re not quite sure — start by asking what kind of support feels most nourishing to you right now. That clarity is more powerful than any label.

Who has been your mentor, and how did they help you? Would love to hear from you in the comments.

References

Kram, K. E. (1985). Mentoring at Work: Developmental Relationships in Organizational Life.