Human Centred Leadership: Recognition

Photo by Charles R on Unsplash

My sister absolutely revels in this time of year; it’s gifts galore.

She uses her almost uncanny ability to find the perfect present, then quietly delights in watching the reaction when it’s opened. The care she puts out bounces straight back to her.

If you’re nodding along, you might already recognise that gift giving is one of your love languages.

For me, it’s the opposite. Gifts are probably the thing I care about least.

What matters most to me during the festive period is reconnecting with people after months of being in another city – and this year, another country too.

I feel most cared for when someone makes time in an already full diary, or when a friend offers me their spare room and their 11-year-old kindly gives up his space so I can sleep properly.

Those moments land deeply.

Acts of service are my thing.

So why does this matter at work?

This isn’t about encouraging workplace romances or blurring boundaries. It’s about realising that people experience recognition and appreciation in different ways, and that as a leader, how you show appreciation matters just as much as the fact that you intend it.

What are love languages?

According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: acts of service, words of affirmation, gift giving, quality time, and physical touch.

They describe the ways people tend to express care, and the ways they most like to receive it. Most of us have a blend, and the way we show appreciation isn’t always the way we want to receive it.

We usually talk about love languages in the context of personal relationships, but they show up quietly at work too.

In how people behave.

In what they notice.

In what they miss when it’s not there.

Ever had a leader who would give you a bonus at the end of the year, but failed to let you know how you'd REALLY done this past year? It's likely there's been a mismatch of expectations regarding recognition.

I’ve recently coached several people who were really struggling. Not because of the work itself, but because it had been a long time since they felt seen. No regular 1:1s. No written feedback. No time carved out. When they finally spoke about it, there were tears. Not from weakness, but from the release of feeling taken for granted for too long.

Appreciation can feel like a small leadership detail. In reality, it’s foundational.

Here’s how different “love languages” can show up at work, and what leaders can do in subtle, human ways.

Acts of service (My personal go-to)

How it shows up:

• Works long hours or quietly takes on extra responsibility

• Organises team activities or supports others behind the scenes

• Actively mentors or contributes to internal initiatives

What to do:

• Acknowledge the effort explicitly

• Help them set or protect boundaries

• Ask what support would help them most right now

Words of affirmation

How it shows up:

• Thoughtful emails and messages

• Generous with praise and encouragement to others

• Writes detailed notes for cards, reviews, or recommendations

What to do:

• Give regular, specific feedback

• Say thank you out loud, not just in passing

• Offer written recognition, such as a LinkedIn testimonial

Gift giving

How it shows up:

• Remembers birthdays and celebrations

• Brings in treats or small surprises

• Happy to lend or share resources

What to do:

• Make sure their own efforts are reciprocated

• Encourage shared responsibility for celebrations

• Consider thoughtful, non-cash recognition where appropriate

Quality time

How it shows up:

• Enjoys team meetings and face-to-face conversations

• Asks for in-person 1:1s

• Chooses to be in the office when possible

What to do:

• Offer regular, focused check-ins

• Be present and attentive, even if briefly

• Prioritise in-person time where you can

  
  

Proximity (instead of physical touch)

Physical touch doesn’t belong in most workplace conversations, so I prefer to reframe this as proximity.

How it shows up:

• Values shared space and visibility

• Seeks informal, in-person interactions

• A handshake after landing a really challenging deal

What to do:

• Be visible and approachable

• Create moments for informal connection

• Don’t underestimate the impact of simply being there

• (Only if culturally appropriate) Return the high five /fist bump / handshake

Good leadership isn’t about doing more. It’s about noticing more.

None of this requires grand gestures. In fact, it works best when it’s quiet and consistent.

People feel appreciated in different ways, and those preferences don’t disappear when they walk into work. By paying attention to how care and effort show up in your team, you can tailor appreciation in ways that actually land, rather than relying on one-size-fits-all gestures.

When appreciation is mismatched or missing, people don’t just feel unmotivated; they feel unseen. A small shift in how you acknowledge effort, time, or care can be the difference between someone quietly burning out and someone choosing to stay.

Having some issues with your team in a difficult moment? Check out my blog about stress languages.

How would YOU like to be appreciated at work? Leave a comment.