Ambition, Rewritten: Do You Feel Better Now Vs Your 20s?

Tracy Sharp
Nov 5
3 min read

I was sitting across from a friend in a tiny coffee shop in Central, Hong Kong. We hadn’t seen each other in five years, but within minutes we were deep in conversation like no time had passed. She’d doubled down on her side hustle this year and was doing brilliantly — but she was exhausted. Really exhausted.

With twenty minutes left before I had to leave for the airport, she paused, looked at me, and asked:

“Do you feel better now than you did in your 20s and 30s? What changed for you?”

It stopped me. I love a question that makes you sit back a little and really think.

“I don’t know if I’d say I’m better,” I said eventually. “But I’m very different.”

My 20s were constant fumbles and assumptions about who I was supposed to be. I took jobs that looked right on paper. I was good at parts of them — I was genuinely great at 3D CAD at one point — but my decisions weren’t rooted in anything deeper than wanting to do well and be seen as capable.

I didn't have the right tools to go any deeper than this.

In my 30s, that internal pressure turned into speed.

My stress language is flight; constant motion made me feel safe. Keep moving, keep climbing, keep proving.

And to the outside world, it worked — promotions, big roles, interesting projects. But inside, the cost was high. Identity and joy slipped away quietly while I pushed myself harder.

A tiny morsel of opportunity became seventy-hour weeks, and I didn't want to stop momentum for fear of perceived failure.

(And to be clear — some people thrive in that pace and genuinely love it. There’s no judgment, I admire their resilience. It’s simply not my path.)

Now, ambition looks and feels very different. I still care deeply about excellence — that hasn’t gone anywhere — but the frame has shifted. I care about the meaning behind the work, the people I work with, and how my life feels while I’m doing it.

My energy, not my title, is the barometer.

I made a mood board in February 2023. Not one thing on it was about career progression. It was knowledge, home, laughter, connection, community, nature. I surprised myself. It’s still the background on my laptop, and bit by bit, I’m building a life that looks like it.

Some might call that a mid-life crisis. I think it’s mid-life clarity — choosing alignment, not autopilot.

And yes, sharing the messy part publicly probably isn’t the smoothest “coaching brand strategy.” But I’d rather speak from the truth than sell a polished version of transformation (and for those who regularly read these, I'm sure by now you apprecate authenticity)

Change rarely looks glamorous up close. It looks like questioning everything you once thought was the goal, and rebuilding — deliberately — piece by piece.

So when she asked what made the difference, here’s what I told her.

What made the difference

I stopped outsourcing my direction to achievement.

I figured out what is important to me (as opposed to what others were doing)

I started choosing projects and people that support my wellbeing, not drain it.

And I began designing my life around my values instead of career optics.

It's taking time whilst my resume catches up with new directions.

And discomfort.

And honesty.

But it’s the single most important work I’ve ever done.

If you’re at that crossroads too or you want to start on a good path

Here’s where I'd start, gently and without urgency:

Know your values — not the aspirational ones, but the ones that shape how you feel when you're thriving.

Notice what gives you energy instead of just what you’re good at. Skill isn’t the same as alignment.

Choose your people — the ones who expand you, steady you, and accept who you are.

Pay attention to environments and which energy and culture is most aligned with yours

Ask where you can give back in a way that feels natural, not performative.

These aren’t overnight shifts. They’re quiet recalibrations that compound over time.