Since I was a student I'd always toyed with the idea of starting my own business, but id never had a concept that I felt really passionate about, therefore the concept stayed in the back of my mind, lurking for an opportunity until SharpMinds was born.
I had the feeling that it would be empowering and freeing, yet one month in, why did I feel so crappy?
I took this to the coaching space and my peer coaches Kristen, Annabella, Maya and Amanda to explore.
I realised that there were two parts of my psyche; the boss and the employee. I was both, but it was out of balance. At first I considered my energy levels and realised that I felt very disempowered.
Before I was leading teams; a central cog in a big machine. I felt needed and important. I was producing reports, giving direction, strategy and advice, leading projects.
Now I felt that I was doing lower level menial work and that I had taken steps backwards in my abilities. I was doing scheduling, admin work, website building, social media. Things had changed and I couldn't see how I could feel like a Boss.
When I explored this in the space, I realised that the boss aspect wasn't something I could be, it would be something that I would NEED.
If I asked the question, 'what would I need from a boss right now', then it became clearer; business vision, attracting new clients, new product development, spreading my message. And when I was probed further, 'what attributes from a boss has really helped me in the past', then I realised that I always appreciate being challenged, approval, praise and acknowledgement, structure, compassion and protection.
But how can I give this for myself? I'm a notorious perfectionist and find it difficult to not see the flaws in the situation and outcomes. I would have to take myself out of the situation to have positive reflections. For me, gratitude is one of the most powerful values and tools and a former wonderful boss of mine, Damian Lee, always used Highs of the Week in our team meetings, to ensure that we stay motivated and to see the positives. Its something I always did when I was hosting my own regular meetings for the past 5 years.
Why couldn't I do this for myself? I had bought a beautiful journal on a recent trip. On the cover was an area of a painting by Klimt; she seems strong, powerful and beautiful. I added a highs of the week notification in my diary every Friday at 5pm. Even if I don't hit the time perfectly every week I ensure I reflect and enjoy the gratitude I have of what has happened in the previous week.
I also ask my clients to create a testimonial for me, these can be seen in my website and linked in page. This is direct feedback of what I'm getting right and how its serving my clients. Its been so wonderful to see how coaching has impacted their lives and this is only the beginning!
I always look to my bosses for protection; its what I believe they are there for! They should shield you when things are going wrong, help catch you when you are falling, pull you up when you are drowning.
But how can I protect myself from myself? I really can be my own worst enemy sometimes; I'm a hard taskmaster and always have been.
In recent years, I've really found a lot of power in self compassion and I realised I would have to tune into this to ensure I have the strength not to destroy myself on the toughest days. In parallel to this entry, I learned a lot about my perceived boundaries and realised that for the time being I needed to unlearn everything (see this link for another blog entry) and have self compassion on the way I am working. I don't need to prove my self worth to the world by sitting at a desk 9 to 5. I work with the schedule of others and don’t need to follow a traditional path. I use self compassion to ensure I don't burn out and I will balance this with challenging myself to ensure I don't become stagnant.
Growth is my number one value and I plan to challenge myself by ensuring I build my expertise. So far ive been relying on my coaching course to give me the fundamentals and some ideas on great books to read but I continue to challenge myself by signing up for masterclasses, networking with others that live in a similar circle and what I've come to call my 'inspiration talks' . I've met such wonderful humans in my course, all on different stages of life and what started off as a peer coaching meeting, turned into a wonderful discussion of encouragement, shared resources and exchange of learning outcomes. I continue to have these discussions to check in on my progress and help ensure that I am keeping myself well informed.
Through masterclasses, I also check on the latest trends and find out more about terminology to understand my knowledge gaps.
I don't assume that I know everything; I assume that this is only the beginning and with pursuing the right information, I will continue to grow and challenge myself.
I've also been accepted to join an international mentorship program for women leaders. I'm so excited to start as I hope to learn more about what it means to be an authentic feminine leader and what it means to be exclusively and regularly mentored.
Through reflecting what I've really appreciated the most in my career and in other relationships, I've been able to write the script about what I need from Dream Boss Tracy. Its not just about the KPIs; I need to ensure that I can look after myself, see all the positives in all their truth and nurture my future growth
What would you need from your Dream Boss?