Supporting Women in STEM: Tips to Overcome Self-Doubt

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I was at a conference for small business owners last year — a collection of entrepreneurs that identify as female, doing great things in the UK Midlands.

It was empowering and exciting to be a part of it. Yet one of the moments that still sits with me is something that one of the conference organisers said, in fact, something they even started with as they addressed the room.

“I’m not an entrepreneur, but…”

I still find myself prickling at this. Why start an address by belittling yourself?

Why tell a room of people what you aren’t instead of owning why you’re standing there in the first place?

I see it all the time, and I’ve done it myself — a kind of self-extinguishing. And it’s more often women who fall into this trap.

I’ve been thinking a lot about using communicating with confidence to overcome moments of self doubt, and I wanted to share a few ideas on how we can set ourselves up for success in any social or professional interaction.

Tell Me What You Are, Not What You’re Not

Our brains are terrible at processing negatives. If I tell you don’t think of a pink elephant, you’ve already done it. The same happens internally when we say things like I’m not nervous or I’m not bad at presenting. The word “not” doesn’t register as much as the emotion that follows — nervous, bad, scared.

Instead, try flipping the phrasing:

• “I’m feeling prepared.”

• “I care about doing a good job.”

• “I’m excited to share this.”

Or, my personal favourite, "I'm ready"

It’s a subtle shift, but it matters. By replacing avoidance with affirmation, you’re teaching your brain to focus on capability instead of fear.

Mind Your Patterns

Pay attention to the words that appear most often in your own conversations or thoughts. Are they negatively charged — worried, anxious, overwhelmed, tired — or do they express curiosity and possibility — learning, improving, exploring?

You can’t change what you don’t notice, so awareness is the first step. When you catch a phrase that carries unnecessary weight, pause and try to reframe it. “I’m so worried I’ll forget what to say” becomes “I’ve prepared what I want to share.” It’s the same situation, but a completely different mindset.

The Power of “Yet”

Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset reminds us that ability isn’t fixed. When you add the word “yet” to a statement — “I haven’t figured this out yet” — you leave the door open to progress.

Language like this keeps you moving forward. It signals to your brain that effort, not perfection, is what matters. Confidence grows through doing, not waiting to feel ready.

Practice Self-Compassion

How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake? Most of us speak more harshly to ourselves than we ever would to a friend. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion suggests reversing that habit.

If your friend forgot her lines in a presentation, you wouldn’t say, “You’re terrible at public speaking.” You’d probably say, “That happens. You did your best, and you’ll be even better next time.”

Try writing to yourself in the same tone — Neff calls them “love letters.” It sounds awkward, but it retrains the inner critic into a more balanced inner coach.

Flipping from Self Doubt to Confident Communication....

Confidence isn’t about pretending to be fearless. It’s about choosing words that make space for courage, learning, and growth. The way you talk to yourself is the foundation for how you show up to others.

So this week, listen closely. Notice the words you use when you describe yourself, your work, or your worries — and see what happens when you shift from what you’re not to what you are.

What else helps you snap out of the negative self talk rabbithole? Leave a comment below.